On my wedding day...at the moment when we were told we were husband and wife, I was overcome with emotion. But it wasn’t joy.
The age of the hustle is coming to an end.
If this statement causes you to feel a sense of curiosity, hope or relief, this article is definitely for you.
If being a “hustler” is an identity you are proud of and it’s working for you, this article probably isn’t for you (but feel free to read on if you want!).
Personally, hustling has never worked for me.
Depression and anxiety are epidemics in America right now, among both women and men.
Traditional routes for dealing with both of these emotional illnesses are just not working long-term or there are unpleasant side effects. If you do a quick Google Search looking to heal depression/anxiety naturally, the majority of the information tells you to DO a certain BEHAVIOR…such as sleep better, eat better, get in a routine, exercise, go do something fun or take supplements. Sometimes they will tell you to think positive or talk it out with someone (both unhelpful tips in the long run).
Hiring a coach is an intimate process. You want to make sure you have the right one for you. Here are a few tips if you’re wanting a really effective coach that will help you actually change your life.
Don’t hire a coach who…
“I don’t know. I just don’t know!! Do I have to repeat myself again? I. Just. DON’T. KNOW.” I screamed.
Michael, my husband, had been trying to get to the bottom of why I was feeling depressed. Again.
I got in a fetal position under the blanket and quietly said…
My heart is beating
I have a soul & a story
What immediately comes up for you when I say the word “VICTIM?” This word can carry a lot of charge for most people.
Maybe you immediately think of someone in your life who you think is always a victim, or maybe you immediately feel defensive like “not me! Nope! I’m never a victim!” Victim consciousness is something I work with often as a life coach.
And it’s so important not to JUDGE it as wrong.
Because VICTIM consciousness exists for a REASON!
There is actually a PAYOFF to being a victim.
It’s actually helpful in a way.
Think about it. What do you gain from being a victim?
Well...we can have people look after us. Or we are given permission to take it easy and lie down. Or we attract people who might stick up for us when we’re being bullied.
The biggest payoff that I’ve noticed? 👉🏽 It gives us a break from responsibility. 👈🏽
Responsibility over our own life (and over others lives if you believe you’re responsible for other people’s happiness too) can feel VERY scary and overwhelming.
And victim consciousness gives us a way out of that.
So when you find yourself drowning in victim energy, it’s important to
1. Not judge yourself. Get curious. Why am I being a victim? What is it offering me?
2. Soothe the part of you that is scared of responsibility/feels like life is just too much. Also, notice what beliefs you have that are adding to the pressure that life is too hard to deal with on your own. If you literally believe that you are responsible for everyone’s happiness...you WILL go into victim consciousness so you can have a break. No one should be responsible for anyone’s happiness but their own. It’s just an impossible burden to carry.
ALSO...while victim consciousness has a payoff/is helpful in a way...there’s also a huuuuge cost.
Cost is disempowerment. Lack of fulfillment. Powerlessness. Unhappiness. Disconnection from self. Dependency on others. Conditional solutions. Always ending up feeling left and alone.
So next time you see someone or you are in victim consciousness...don’t judge right away. There’s a reason it exists. AND there’s a cost to it. 😊
Was feelin some victim energy when I took this picture lol.
When I’m experiencing victim energy, I don’t take care of myself. I want to be left alone. I want to watch tv all day. I want people in my life to pretend I don’t exist. All normal stuff for victim mentality. But eventually I get sick of it and acknowledge the part of me that’s feeling powerless and then I take a few moments to reconnect to my body and my intuition...where all my power lives. ✨✨
How often do you feel victim energy? What’s the payoff? What’s the cost? 👇🏽👇🏽
How much are you fighting with what already is?
When we fight against what already is, we create suffering.
And in suffering, we stay stuck.
We freak out.
We let our minds run wild.
And then our bodies think we are going to die, and our nervous system dials up to its max.
Taking a moment to just BE with what already is, is literally the most productive thing you can do.
This is where you are right now.
Stop fighting it.
Just be with it until your body can get the chance to adjust and feel calm with what is.
Then you can move forward.
Then you can take action that is in line with what you want, versus what you don’t want.
Acceptance is such an important practice.
What are you at war with in your life? 👇🏽
Why do we insist on suffering?
Why do we resist and prolong our pain?
Why do we search and chase for something that is literally right inside us already?
Why do we make life so hard for ourselves?
It’s absolute insanity.
Humans are completely insane.
And yet, deep down, we know it.
And some of us are willing to let that knowing be seen and heard.
Some of us look around and say
“Screw this. I’m not playing this game anymore.”
Because the truth is that suffering is optional.
Pain is power when we let it move through us.
Wisdom is within.
Life can be RAW.
And devastatingly gorgeous.
You can have terrible, scary, experiences where you think you might die AND have a part of you watching on the inside saying “Wow. THIS is living.”
And it can be incredibly calm and still and easy. Where you just bask in the simplicity of things.
We are not on this planet to be numb and to run away from pain and feel mediocre bits of happiness (where an eerie sense that “the other shoe will drop anytime now” follows immediately after).
We are here to FULLY FEEL whatever is here for us to feel.
We HAVE to stop running away from our pain!
We HAVE to stop waiting for or chasing after happiness like it’s on the other side of something.
We are robbing ourselves of LIFE.
BE HERE NOW WITH WHATEVER IS ALREADY HERE. 👊🏼
(Written after pulling over on the side of the road to have a good scream. 😏 #livingfully )
My daughter is my biggest teacher right now.
I’ve been feeling triggered left, right and center on a daily basis lately. There’s SO many emotions coming from that little body. It’s pretty much impossible to rationalize with her. The silliest things send me into confusion and anger.
At the end of the day, the biggest and most humbling thing is: she reminds me of a part of myself.
>> She’s literally mirroring my deepest emotional wounds. <<
I’m REALLY glad I have this awareness.
That everything she’s doing that triggers me...is actually something within me that needs healing.
It’s really not about her, at all, you see.
(I think sometimes we get caught up in thinking “something is wrong with my kid” so we can avoid taking responsibility over our own shit)
It’s about me. And how I see the world. How I think of myself. How I use language. How I use silence.
She’s the perfect mirror.
She shows me what needs healing and dials it up to its highest volume.
This is where inner child work comes in for me.
I spend time intentionally remembering my younger self...how she felt in different situations, how she decided the world operated, how she coped with pain.
And I get to ask her what she needs most from me.
And it's so clear.
She just wants to be seen. Heard. Validated. Protected. Hugged.
And I get to give that to her now.
Giving my own inner child what she needs most, leaves my evolved self feeling more whole.
When I feel whole, I show up so differently for my daughter.
I am able to see that she just wants to be seen and heard, too.
Not wronged, not judged, not laughed at, not ignored.
It really is amazing what happens to my parenting, when I’ve intentionally parented my own inner child first.
Does that make sense?
I don't have this down perfectly yet (obviously...probably never will) but it's making a difference to look within myself first.
Let me know what you think about all this below 🔽
Moments of mmmm 😌😌😌 the last little while:
Sleeping with the window open
Pulling fat wool socks over clean feet
Blowing out a palo santo fire
Shaking my hair out of a ponytail
Catching my newly walking baby as he falls into my arms
Tears breaking through after deep breaths
Sharing chocolate with my daughter
The smell of rain in the desert
Closing the kids door after bedtime
Running my tongue over clean teeth
Placing my hands over my heart with eyes closed
Barefoot walking in the grass
What about you? What moments make you go mmmmm? ✨✨✨
Positivity isn't always the best solution.
If you're already experiencing "negative" emotions, positivity ends up being a suppressor.
It doesn't help the negative emotions move through you...it will cause them to stay stuck and put you in denial mode.
Yes, we all want to feel happy. No, we don't want to attract painful experiences in our life. So I get why we take a hold of positive thinking like our life depends on it...
But if the pain is already there...positivity is NOT going to make it go away. It will keep it hidden and make it build up and manifest as physical ailments.
It's important that we embrace what is already here for us and ALLOW our pain/negative emotions MOVE THROUGH and TEACH us.
The more we can experience the lows...the more ACCESS we have to experience higher HIGHS.
So pay attention that you're not using positivity as a way to distract yourself from what is already there. ❤
(Being able to sit with your pain is literally the most courageous and rewarding thing you could do.)
Your emotional experience is not “silly” or “stupid.”
It doesn’t matter if your situation “could be worst,” it’s still valid and deserves just as much love and attention.
The time you’ve spent in your depression/anxiety is not “a waste of time.”
Your feelings and thoughts are not “nonsense.”
Give yourself full permission to be exactly where you are.
Give yourself the benefit of the doubt.
Based on the life you’ve had and the metaphorical glasses you see the world through, what you’re experiencing is normal and expected.
Take this all in ^^^^
Really take it in.
Feel a sense of relief?
That’s good...that’s a sign you’re getting closer to what you want.
There’s a certain calm that can be found
Inside my Fear
Like a tornado and it’s eye
There is discomfort to get in-
A discomfort that is unknown
And then when I am in, I am calm
It tramples me, the tornado, when I am out
And I may run, and I may hide
But I don’t want to live like that
I want to lean in
And be in the eye
Where I can see that it is indeed
All working out for me
That my desires have been the ultimate guide all along
I have found that Fear is a room
That only needs stepping into
And inside you find that it is empty
Gloriously, mercifully, empty
-created by me last night ✨
When I was 8 years old (ish), I auditioned for this musical and got a part. I went to rehearsals for a few months and the show was around the corner. I vividly remember during one of the rehearsals (I think it was the last one before the show), I felt this intense fear throughout my body. I ran to my mom, crying. “I can’t do it, Mommy. I can’t do it.” I ended up dropping out.
I did piano lessons growing up. Every time it was time to perform, my hands would shake so badly, I wouldn’t be able to get through my songs. I ended up quitting my piano lessons at age 16.
And then there was dance.
I had to perform every year with my studio from age 7 to age 17.
Every single time, my body would shake SO badly. It was rare for me to feel like my performance was authentic to my ability.
Literally on the DAY of my LAST high school dance performance, I felt that same INTENSE fear run through my body that happened when I was eight. I ended up calling my mom again, in the bathroom stall, crying. “I can’t do it. I can’t do it.” I ended up in the principal's office with my dance teacher, trying to explain to them that I just couldn’t do it anymore. I had lots of logical reasons at the time to back it up. But ultimately, the truth was that I just couldn’t get up there and it was completely illogical.
I felt so bad.
And then I spent nearly the next decade avoiding stages as much as I could.
I didn’t audition for college dance teams. I didn’t sign up for extracurricular activities.
I took on the identity of "smart girl," went to my physiology classes, did my very best, and felt happy with the A+.
I completely forgot that this intense fear existed within me…
Until this last year, while I've been creating my coaching business, Wild Air Coaching.
Now, I know it’s the FEAR OF BEING SEEN...which is routed in a deep FEAR OF BEING REJECTED/JUDGED...which, if we go even deeper, is a FEAR OF NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH.
I have been facing this fear HEAD ON this last year...and it’s been a WILD ride.
I kind of imagine this last year like I was a turtle...poking my head out for a little while saying “hey guys! I’m here!” only to freak out and pop my head back under my shell, until I built the courage to poke out again. Haha!
Kind of funny but also accurate.
These days, I have the awareness around this fear and the knowledge of how to move through it (thanks to the cert program I'm doing with Hungry For Happiness!).
For me, this fear is overcome by LEANING IN to it as SOON as it comes up.
And to me, LEANING IN means getting curious about it, sitting with it, listening to it, accepting it, loving it.
Not ignoring it, denying it, fighting it or hating it.
So, four days into this new year and I’ve finally discovered clarity around what I want my theme to be this year.
LEAN IN AND BE SEEN.
Yes. Feels right.
What about you? What kind of fears do you have that literally cause your whole body to run and hide? What would happen if you leaned in?
You know what I think?
I think we all just crave to feel safe.
To be where we are, who we are, as we are.
But we get caught up...so crazily caught up.
We pick ourselves apart (before someone else will).
We compare ourselves to each other (a kind of insanity).
I mean, come on, we never REALLY know that person’s FULL story.
So, when you notice yourself doing these things...
Drop in to your heart.
Try to see the beauty only you hold.
Let yourself be.
Give yourself the feeling of being safe.
If you don’t know how yet, I’ll hold the space for you for now. Hear this...
You are safe, heard, seen, loved.
I know that in my bones.
Can’t wait until you know it, too. ✨♥️
I just want to be free
It’s game over for me
I’m done playing these mind games
Of how I can look good
Of how I can blow you away
And maybe hear the words
“Oh, how amazing you are”
While still making you feel safe
These are chains, these games
They keep my soul quiet
And locked in
I just want to be free
I want to feel music
Not hear it, not think about it, not talk about it
I want to allow my body to move in whichever way it pleases
I want to Be. Here. Now.
My internal focus on my insides alone
I want to sway, flap, close my eyes
Smile without trying
I want to express with ease
No middle men in between
I want to share
From my heart straight to yours
No middle men in between, please!
Connect to your heart space
And just be
Think of your relationship with your body
When I ask you “what do you actually want?”
Is it difficult to answer?
“Well, I know I don’t want this...or that...or this…” you say
Yes, but what is it that you DO want, deep deep down?
Not what you SHOULD want, not what society tells you
No, what do you deeply desire for your body to experience?
There’s a shift of focus that has to take place
And it can feel pretty strange
“Wait...what DO I want?” you wonder
And then you negotiate with me
I just don’t know!
Well, I don’t know if that’s possible
I have to serve those around me first
I don’t think I deserve what I want
I don’t think that’s possible anymore at my age, with my body
It doesn’t matter what I want
Oh, but it does!
And until you really connect with what YOU deeply, truly desire
Until you close your eyes
And really SINK in to this question
And see your body as a precious gift that will one day be gone
Until you courageously OWN what it is that YOU want
You will continue to chase after happiness in all the wrong places
Or feel the need to escape from your life into the comforts of food and screens
So, tell me.
What do you WANT?
What would that feel like?
What would that look like?
What is it like to finally see your desires, right in front of you, after all this time of turning away?
A little scary?
This is the edge.
Lean in! Jump!
You’re in for the ride of your life.
“I’m disappointed with myself because I can’t ever follow through with my commitments to being healthy.”
This dynamic has come up with pretty much ALL of my clients.
Here’s what I have to offer:
1. GIVE YOURSELF THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT
Listen to me. Not following through on behavioral commitments is NOT a result of not being enough, not having enough self control, or not having integrity. You self sabotage around your commitments for a really valid reason that’s just not in your awareness yet. Beating yourself up is actually never going to help you in a sustainable way. Have some self compassion for yourself. Take the pressure off. Make some room to really explore why you’re not following through from a place of CURIOSITY.
2. GET CURIOUS ABOUT WHY YOU WANT TO BE HEALTHY
We’ve heard all the “why’s” out there...to be more confident, to fit into clothes, blah blah. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about checking in to what the energetic INTENTION is BEHIND your commitment. Are you seeking health because you “should” or because you “need to in order to ________” or because “if I don’t then THIS could happen.” If yes, it’s time to shift that. If you’re going to actually show up and follow through, you’ve got to tap into what you ACTUALLY DEEPLY WANT from a SOUL’S perspective. Which leads me into my next point.
3. CONNECT WITH YOUR SOUL
When you make goals from your mind’s eye, they are based out of fear or out of wanting to survive in some way. Also, not sustainable. Connecting with your soul requires you to create SPACE between your mind and your higher self, by choosing not to IDENTIFY with everything going on in your head. A great place to start with this is to journal conversations between mind and heart. Let your mind say what it needs to say, write it down, and then listen for what your heart has to say about that. The more you connect with your soul, the more you will deeply, deeply truly DESIRE to care for your body. And there’s no NOT showing up for it after you connect like that.
Any questions? Ask me! 🔽🔽🔽
Self sabotage is a very real thing, ya’ll.
I’ve been navigating the space of self sabotage in my business all year.
It happens when I start to create results I’ve never created before.
I start coming up with really convenient reasons on why I can’t keep going, or I’ll have a rush of strong (really strong) emotions take me out of the game.
And then I’ll come to a sort of painful “plateau” for a while or it will even feel like I take three steps backwards.
And my conditioning has taught me to play victim...to say “what did I do wrong? Why is this happening to me? What’s wrong with me?”
Which I think we can agree, for obvious reasons, that this way of approaching self sabotage isn’t exactly helpful. Haha!
But I’m learning.
I’m becoming more and more aware of when self sabotage is kicking in and catching it in the early stages instead of much later.
I’m learning that, when it comes down to it, self sabotage has EVERYTHING to do with my sense of self worth or what I believe I deserve AND my ability to hold space for and feel my emotions.
For a long time, this awareness was completely hidden from my view.
In my dieting days, I didn’t even know that when I “fell on and off the wagon,” what was happening was even CALLED self sabotage.
Being able to address the root cause and have more awareness around when I’m self sabotaging has made ALL the difference for me.
When do you find yourself self sabotaging? I wanna know!